One time a horse, a penguin and a dolphin were trying to build a house so they could all live together. But they couldn’t get the house to work because no one could agree where it should be.
The dolphin wanted it in the water, which was all fine and good for the dolphin, but horse couldn’t swim and the penguin was afraid of walruses.
The penguin wanted the house on the ice, but the horse couldn’t walk on the ice and the dolphin stuck to it like a tongue on an ice cube.
The horse wanted the house on the flat ground but the penguin couldn’t walk very far with his flat feet and the dolphin thought the property was in a bad neighborhood.
So all they did all day was nail planks of wood to other planks of wood.
One day a magical gnome was walking down the lane to their house, when he got tripped by an un-magical gnome, who stole his beardgold. Luckily the horse knew fire magic and sent a tornado of Odinfire to trip up the thief’s steps, then the penguin sat on him. The magical gnome was profoundly grateful and asked them what they wanted for a reward.
“A magical apple,” cried the horse.
“A magical herring,” cried the penguin.
“E YI YI YI YI CLICKCLICK,” cried the dolphin. Because dolphins don’t talk.
The magical gnome stroked his beard wisely. “Those are all bad gifts, and you should feel bad. Instead have this magical hammer that fell out while I was trimming my mighty nose hairs.” And he went on his crusty way.
The three friends were brimming with excitement. Now they could build the kind of house they all wanted!
But when it came time to build the house there were still problems. The horse wanted a hayloft, and the penguin wanted an escalator. The penguin wanted a wet bar but the dolphin was a strict teetotaler. The dolphin made a big fuss swimming through hoops and neither the horse or the penguin could guess what it wanted. So they sat and cried.
Suddenly their tears fell on the hammer, which sprouted into a hammer tree, the mightiest tree of all. The three animals wished upon it to give them a magical house, with all the things they ever wanted in it. But because animals are not sensible people it ended up bloated with extra features and weighed so much it fell through the crust of the earth, upon the gnome king’s head. Thus there was much squeaking and rejoicing, because no one liked that guy. The entire kingdom awarded them as much gold as they could eat, and a lifetime supply of shellphone minutes. Except the dolphin. Because dolphins don’t speak.