Phoenix’s story(Friday night)

Once upon a time, there was an angry kitty.

He would scream “Gimme all your money!” and the storekeeper would say “aw, you’re so cute,” and give him a saucer of cream.

“I can’t digest milk!” he would cry, and launch himself like a comet made out of rage at the shopkeeper’s face. But since he only weighed as much as a muffin, he bounced off the shopkeeper’s head. Then he went home and cried tiny kitten tears.

One day, when catching moths, he caught a moth that was also a tiny lady.

She squeaked, “Don’t eat me, and I’ll grant you a tiny wish!”

He said, “I won’t eat you if you turn me into a manticore!”

And she said “Yes, I’ll turn you into a tiny manticore!”

And he said “No! No! I want to be a regular-sized manticore!”

And the fairy asked “Why do you want to be a manticore?”

The kitten said, “Because I want to be taken seriously.”

And the fairy said “Sorry, you have such a cute little face that no one ever will take you seriously.”

So the kitten ate the fairy, and it gave him painful magic farts for a few days.

Then one day a manticore came to town. He kept turning sheep into straw and swallowing people whole, neither of which anyone was too happy about. The magistrate sent every officer, soldier, dragoon, and knight against the manticore, but it chomped them all and picked its teeth with their swords. The kitten heard about all this and was furious that the manticore was hogging all the glory, so it marched right down to town to give it a piece of his mind.

When the manticore saw a tiny kitten approaching, it grinned with both sets of teeth and laughed.

“How could you possibly stand against me with such a cute little face?”

Suddenly the kitten sat down, curled its tail around its feet, and started washing its ear. The manticore was in agony.

“Too…cute…” it gasped. The kitten stopped washing and started purring, making giant eyes at the manticore. The beast let out a mighty roar and exploded in a shower of rainbow sprinkles, which took weeks to clean up.

As for the kitty, he no longer wished to be a manticore, for he found it was better to be himself. Because he was so cute he could get anyone to do his evil bidding. And that’s the story of the first Evil Kitty King.


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